朝になると、瞼を開けるのが怖いんだ。
生きたい人たちから見れば、こんな「死にたい」と思う自分は我儘だと言われる。
でも、私は彼らと違って夢もなく、明日を迎えるのが怖くて、死んだほうが楽だと思ってしまう。
家族や友達がいても、なぜか虚しさから抜け出せない。
私は恵まれている子なんですが、足りないのは「愛」なんだと思う。
私は自分のことでも愛していない、それは一番最悪だね。
「誰かに愛されたいな」と思うけど、自分を愛せていないままじゃ、誰にも愛されない気がしてしまう。
それは自分でも一番よく分かっている。
一人でいることが嫌なわけじゃない。
もうずっと一人には慣れているし。
ただ、ずっと歩き続けてきたような気がして、休みたいなって思う。
Sometimes I wonder....
if people already feel uncomfortable with their partner or if they’re starting to get tempted by someone new, why not just leave? why choose cheating instead?
Humans can be so confusing sometimes.
They don’t want to look like the bad person, but in the end, that’s exactly what hurts others the most.
If someone says they’re serious about you, asks for commitment, even confidently meets your parents but later it turns out those were just impulsive words bcause they were just curious about you, then isn’t that just irresponsible?
Like, “whatever, let’s just go for it now and see what happens later.”
From the very beginning, even my dad already told him what kind of person I am.
Over and over again, he kept giving reassuring words while repeating similar behavior at the same time.
And then he said I was too judgmental whenever he talked about certain things.
But everything has causes and consequences.
Even the phrase “cause and effect” was something I learned from him.
Funny thing is… he doesn’t even seem to understand what it really means.
